I am an attorney. Not sure if I have mentioned that. Anyway, my job is pretty demanding. It is a great job, and I love it, but the demands at work sometimes can be too much – especially having a child whose needs are different and slightly more than our other child’s. Lately, I have had my head in statutes, codes and case law preparing for a CLE presentation I had to give today. I am a transactional attorney. I chose to be a transactional attorney because I do not, absolutely do not, like getting up and talking in front of people. But this was a necessity so I did it. And at 4 yesterday, while in the middle of putting final touches on my paper and trying my hardest to fight the swarm of butterflies that were beginning to build up in my stomach, I got a phone call from Owen’s school. Apparently, he had had a bad day. Owen’s teacher is the sweetest girl. She is full of joy and faith and I am so grateful he is with her; but, I don’t think she understands his GI issues. She proceeds to tell me that he was crying out in pain all day, that he didn’t want to be held, that he was hunched over like his tummy hurt and that he refused to nap. This broke my heart. One, I wasn’t there to hug him, whisper to him, try and distract him (all things I do in the middle of the night) and two, he has rarely had issues during the day. In fact, I don’t think he has had issues during the day since he went on Nutramigen AA back in January of 2010. Does this mean it is getting worse? But the worst part, Owen’s teacher said she thinks it was just a normal tummy ache like all kids get. I wish it were that. I really, really do. But I am his mom. I have another child who is ‘normal’ and gets ‘normal tummy aches’ and what he experiences is anything but normal. I am choosing to believe that she was just trying to make me feel better and I am choosing to ignore the lies that want to creep in that say I am imagining it. I am choosing to believe that she really does get it and that she really does watch him like a hawk during the day to make sure he doesn’t get into something he shouldn’t. I am choosing to believe it is just the shoe-string potatoes that I let him have the night before.
I am not imagining this.
So back to my job and that presentation that was looming…it went great. But Owen did have a rough night last night full of more screaming and more cramping. I gave my presentation on little sleep and now, I am so happy yesterday and today are behind us. I look forward to putting the kids down and drinking wine. I just wish Chad would be home tonight to help celebrate and relax with me. Darn HLSR
It is frustrating when people try to down play what we know our kids are experiencing. Just the other day I was telling my Mom that Lydia had been telling me her tummy hurt in the middle of the night...and she asked if she was only saying her tummy hurt because I asked her if her tummy hurt. Ugh..she has been writhing, screaming, and arching in pain her whole life...I feel like I have a right to be the expert on when she is in pain and now she voices it to me, I am more and more aware how much she is in pain during the day. Whereas before it just seemed like she was cranky, now she tells me when her tummy hurts, and it is a lot. It is so frustrating not being able to pin down what is causing it and not having a doctor that is helpful or knowledgeable. Good work on your presentation. Reading your blog helps me feel less lonely, thank you.
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